“Oh Death, Where is the Antidote to Thy Sting”

Masterchef, travel tonnes & links as always

Hey you all,

I know I come late but I bear gifts of interest for you. I almost always drown (I wrote waste and for the umpteenth time corrected myself… nothing is a waste Shalini, remember what Jock says?) a lot of time if I am into something. Deep down, under. I was under Masterchef AUS’s spell. I can’t tell you the rollercoaster I went on. Food made emotions more potent and heavy, as each of the contestants I liked got chipped away in the competition. My favorite of course won it- Justin but there was another winner for me- Pete. Can I just say that in a high trade competition with a dozen new ingredients every week, pressure tests which pile on and on, dreaded toasty elimination Sundays- Pete remained calm as a Storm on the Sea of Galilee- calm on the outside but a tornado of ideas and jitters and humbleness on the inside. He lights up with his energies. Tommy, another cook, short of the Final Five was different but not my favorite and he was actually the most liked by the judges because of his cheesiness, his humility, love, and stage fright of a teacher who is now cooking 3-Michelin dishes in 60 minutes. He reminded me of me. That is why I never fancied him much but I must have cried the loudest, big teardrops as he said his goodbye. I felt as if I had lost. He had so much conviction and reasons to stay, do his bit but he had to leave a pack which was just a perfect set of contestants, each having their own hold on a cuisine or flavor profiles, each coming from contributing countries which make up Australia.

The winner, Justin Narayan has been imprinted on my mind and stayed so throughout my travel through Tamilnadu, India. I started off on a Monday and it has been a week of traveling, spending big bucks which I am going to regret later but I had been waiting for getting my ass out and I am glad I did. What were you up to this last month? isn’t it scary that we are so near to the end of 2021 and it hurts?

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I have been nature hopping and trekking the wilderness of Kodaikanal. I was like a happy kid. Free to lose.

Here are some pictures and some more:

Completeness alone will reveal the truth, the movement of eternal life. Conflict can only, and must inevitably, exist between the false and the false, not between truth and the false. Isn’t that so? There cannot be a conflict between what is true and what is false. But there can be conflict and there must be a conflict between two false things, between the degrees of falseness, between the opposites

A Hartford Wise Guy And A $500 Million Museum Heist

Don't sell the farm yet, believe in me
Don't break the branches off the family tree
I'm made of good wood, bend but don't break
There's only some much middle sons can take
My mechanics of coping
Alcohol, melatonin
Ain't enough to get you out of my life
You can grab, you can hold it
But you're gonna let go when
Everything about it just ain't right
So we're just
Dead fields sown in pain
I'm the last of your name
I can't do it all but I wouldn't do it all the same
Hard hearts, soft on the past
Well the hurt came quick, bitterness came to last
You're the one thing that I want
And the wanting's all I'll have- J Roddy Walston and The Business
what I really mean. He paints my name across the floral bed sheet and ties the bottom corners to my ankles. Then he paints another for himself. We walk into town and play the shadow game, saying Oh! I'm sorry for stepping on your shadow! and Please be careful! My shadow is caught in the wheelsof your shopping cart. It's all very polite.Our shadows get dirty just like anyone's, so we take them to the Laundromat—the one with the 1996 Olympics themed pinball machine—and watch our shadows warm against each other. We bring the shadow game home and (this is my favorite part) when we stretch our shadows across the bed, we get so tangled my husband grips his own wrist, certain it's my wrist, and kisses it.- Paige Lewis 

“This is one of the great paradoxes of happiness: we have to call off the search to be able to find everything we’ve been searching for. The narrative that I had chosen to believe that I was missing something - was the thing causing my unhappiness.” - Happy Sexy Millionaire

Meek young men grow up in libraries, believing it is their duty to accept the views which Cicero, which Locke, which Bacon, have given; forgetful that Cicero, Locke, and Bacon were only young men in libraries when they wrote these books.


  1. When A Brown Girl Dates A White Boy

  2. 3 Packs Fire Noodles with Melted Cheese Real Sound Mukbang

  3. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Gym Motivation - Motivational Speech

  4. Everything sucks so I made a makeup tutorial


  6. How Bookish Bong clicks her #bookstagram photos!

  7. BELLA CIAO | MONEY HEIST | Tabla Cover

  8. Play yo-Summer Salt

  9. Husky Reviewing Raw Beef Meat Parts

  10. 7 Heartwarming Animal Reunions Caught On camera

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A real artist does not talk about his self-expression, he is expressing that which he intensely feels; but there are so many spurious artists, like the spurious spiritual people, who are all the time seeking selfexpression as a means of getting something, some satisfaction which they cannot find in the environment in which they live.

Today’s Artist corner feature is about one of the most quirky Artists and ex-brand creators Madhavi. Nobody could imagine that after crossing paths in Albania at a music festival, two hippies would come together to form a brand!

was born out of the brains of our artist, Madhavi. As a teenager at an Art college, all Madi wanted to do was share her artsy "things" - drawings, videos, illustrations, clay figurines, etc. Art is what she pursued and deep-dived into the industry. Young and bright, full of passion to create. Working as a Designer, she took up jobs and on the side, gave wings to Madi Things through social media. Madhavi is an inspiration and someone who has totally inspired me and I would love it if you could support her work by getting something for yourself and your loved ones. Check out the beautiful assemble.

Her right hand in her journey has been- Edward Gordon. The bond was over music, art, and deep conversations. While this friendship was budding, they spoke about taking Madi Things to the next level. Edward and Madi as she is sweetly called by her friends and family conceptualized an amazing Art brand that is rooted in its humility and serenity of choice of Artwork - Madi Things is everything for a hearty shop out. Cash-out. You can follow Madi’s Instagram page and gain a best friend.

Every artwork on the website has been conceptualized and designed by Madi. You can check out the collection of Artworks by Madhavi here. Heavily inspired by music, nature, and other art forms. Go ahead and experience the story behind every piece.

This land promises snowfall. This land promises windfall.
This land promises the return of brief days. May this land
promise you a body, some muscle, some organ, a brain.
Some ribs made of dark tinder, their insides lit, all vesicle,
atrium. May this kindling promise you a hearth and last
past your dread, October’s sleet, past scarred trees,
then winter, then mend and on and onward and orbit you so you are
blank as memory, turn into paper—crinkle, burn, and finally open.-

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Not a poem, nor prose, it's porn

Issa feeling

Friend 1: I have a kink for BDSM, especially the ones with bloody violence

Friend 2: I have never watched porn

friend 3: I can only watch two men having sex and I am not even Gay

What the world sees and wants you to see them seeing are two different things. An Indian site has a video upload as soon as I open it (Yeah, a lot of sites were banned after SC’s judgment but many remain active), and the “ Sex With beggar girl” banner pops up in my face. Another 30 min video below that boasts- “Fucking my friend’s wife in the ass”. Dirty Indian Sex, Indian MMS, Indian Porn Movies. Free beautiful Indian xxx girls!…… A sled of posing women and men, more or less without consent uploads and many which show the girl’s face and pussy even as the guy hides his torso is a norm. I fidget with the live cams and being the armchair detective I am, I try to think of which video stars are unaware of their fate online. I went without browsing any porn for years and some days I have needed it every day. Who is to have a say? The Supreme Court? Boyfriend?

What you find hot is a cringe with the Supreme Court and what I search when I get horny is different from what my brother would. What happens on the bed is everyone’s business but the people doing it. I talk about poems I read, giving trigger warnings. I cite book recommendations- Fiction/Non-fiction. But when I want to talk porn, I feel I have to whisper or rather confide. Or just shut up. Pornhub — the largest pornography site on the Internet — reported that there were a total of 87.8 billion porn videos or clips viewed in 2015, which translates to about 12 porn videos viewed by every person on Earth. People don’t want to talk about porn.

I think we definitely need to talk about the impact that porn has, but at the same time, I still feel like we don’t hold Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones responsible for the violence — so why is porn responsible for what we’re showing about sex?- Jacky James

Coffee fiends

I had asked my virtual family on Insta as to how many cups of coffee they considered healthy. To pick a number. Fireworksonwinternight, a kind and amazing developmental psychologist and my constant supporter/reader said 2 only. The attention on ‘Only’ is apparent with Shreya whereas the same is lost on Nenzoned who thinks 2 cups is a healthy number of caffeine chugs. Neerav exclaimed 4 as his lucky number. Taste matters a lot for a number to settle into the gut for Elric, the Polyglot. For Romita, a content creator 6 is not an extreme number of cups of coffee while Aditya Gaurav has cut down from 8 shots to 2 these days. Shubham, a UPSC mentor at Vidyapeethias chides that coffee is something he has outside. Never at home. Many said 9, some said 1. But the winner was clearly 3. Like one for breakfast, one for lunch, and another in the evening or post-dinner. Right? It made sense to me. Compartmentalizing.

Long back, as a child, I was attuned to emotions that were of hurt and passivity of time. I could not see people sad or bereft of their loved ones. It has nothing to do with how I have been brought up as. But everything has to do with how I want my life and living a life of finding things, people, and words are how I wish to grow.

“Does someone you know have gaps in their life history? Do you know someone with this distinctive double ridge on his right ear? Is there someone in your life, your street, or your community that might be Andrew?”

Since his disappearance, Andrew’s dad Kevin has continued to raise awareness and search for answers about his son. He works closely with the national charity Missing People, collating useful information to help the wider public in their search for Andrew. This information is available via Kevin’s blog: http://helpustofindandrew.weebly.com/

If you search for which mysteries people want to get solved before they die- they will answer with the disappearance of Andrew Gosden. Andrew Gosden was 20 days older than me. He disappeared from Central London on 14 September 2007 when he was 14 years old. Leaving his home in Doncaster, South Yorkshire, Andrew withdrew £200 from his bank account and bought a one-way ticket to London. He was last seen on CCTV leaving King's Cross station. Despite numerous national appeals, Gosden’s reason for traveling to London that day and his subsequent fate have never been established. Lastly, in October 2019 a new age-progression image of Gosden was released. And it is radio silence for most parts. It will always be. Maybe not?

There are a number of cases that haunt me. I will slowly document my own views about Indian cases in the future. But for now, these cases keep me up at the night. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all.

In the Tv series, Squid Game- the pain of being poor and the price the poor have to pay for entertainment purposes for the rich has reached a new vantage point. Sickening yet not fanciful. Reality might hit harder. If there is anything I had to recommend to you from K-Drama it has to be Netflix's Squid Game. 400+ contestants enter an island to play to die. 1 emerges a winner. The end is a new beginning in itself. This show taught me the value of friendships and showed me the real grit, the way life is underpriced/overpriced by those who think they can escape with just anything. There is also an Inspector who tries to intervene but eventually lucks out. Every death is imprinted in a slow-mo-death sequence. I started watching Alice In Borderland. A similar show of life or death. I can not seem to get enough of the crime nuggets.

An initial period of concentration—conscious, directed attention—needs to be followed by some amount of unconscious processing. Mathematicians will often speak of the first phase of this process as “worrying” about a problem or idea. It’s a good word, because it evokes anxiety and upset while also conjuring an image of productivity: a dog worrying a bone, chewing at it to get to the marrow—the rich, meaty part of the problem that will lead to its solution. In this view of creative momentum, the key to solving a problem is to take a break from worrying, to move the problem to the back burner, to let the unwatched pot boil.

What can the Chinese bamboo tree teach us about growth? It has to be cared for every single day. It doesn’t break through the ground for 5 years, but once it breaks through, it can grow up to 100 feet in 5 weeks. Lesson: Be patient. Growth happens gradually, then suddenly.

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A Book To Change Your Life Without Doing Much Except Reading It

  1. The Story of Philosophy: The Lives and Opinions of the Great Philosophers (Read a chapter a day and absorb it because it is not written to read but rather change the way you think and that will take time)

  2. Akashic Records and Twin Flames: An Essential Guide to the Secret Nature of the Akasha and Attracting Your Twin Flame (A step up from what I read in astrology and now am moving onto detailed horoscopes, the concept of twin flames Akashic records)

  3. Meditations: A New Translation (OG read)

  4. Total Freedom: The Essential Krishnamurti (All great men of our times have read Krishnamurti and that is the only reason I did. Mind blown)

  5. The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Wealth and Happiness (There is nothing to match up the wisdom in the pages of Naval’s mind)


  1. ASMR MUKBANG Spicy convenience store food

  2. Bob Moses - Tearing Me Up

  3. A young woman finds a one-night stand. But he lives 2 hours away via public transit

  4. tEXt - Horror Short Film

  5. Kangana Ranaut With Arnab Goswami

  6. Why are Instagram Models always in Dubai?

  7. Sarah Jessica’s Favourite Artist’s NPR

  8. Investigative journalism: A look back at 15 Spotlight Team projects that changed Boston and beyond

  9. A must-bookmark for readers!

  10. Former porn star Bree Olson goes public: ‘I’m shunned by society’

  11. Bonus because we are briefly hassling with Porn as our theme- In an opinion piece accompanying the video, Olson writes that she receives no money from her porn career now, despite the fact, her pornographic images and videos are still viewed countless times online.

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“Cops, being neither human nor animal, do not dream. They don’t need to, they’ve got teargas. Don’t expect me to justify that. I mean, you know as well as I do that cops have got access to the content of all of our dreams.” — Sean Bonney, from Our Death

Wrote this Newsletter listening to some head shaking Techno

This is a free newsletter but not cheap. If you love it, consider supporting it by liking and sharing this newsletter. This letter is reader-supported, hence the lack of ads and sponsors. I don’t get much feedback on my newsletters, so I’m not sure how many people actually read them. If you do, please feel free to drop me a note or hit the “like” on the newsletter


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Jerk of All Trades

Jack of all trades & 20+ Links Lists

I never ask if “I like it” or “I don’t like it.” I think “this is what it is” or “this is what it isn’t.” —Richard Feynman
“Everyone has talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it to the dark places where it leads.” —Erica Jong

If you reading this Newsletter, kindly move it to your primary inbox if it is arriving in the promotions or Spam, kindly do so before you proceed! My letters will not be missed. Thank you!

The Three Stooges

I am not entirely sure if talking to the 90’s kids about The Three Stooges is unfamiliar. But if you don’t know- let me refresh and tell you how I came to know about the history of clean comedy. For me, comedy meant Charlie Chaplin and The Three Stooges if you look at the global scenes. I had a 1TB hard drive full of oldies and goldies in my very first semester of Law School. I had everything good to watch and read in it. 1000+ e-books & 100’s of shows/movies! I was full and busy. Jerk of All Trades is a failed pilot for a "Three Stooges" TV show featuring the legendary Moe, Larry, and Shemp. The concept of the show was that the Stooges would try a new profession each show. In the pilot episode, which received a lukewarm response, they were interior decorators. But I loved the episode. A-class Shtick. I have always wanted to dedicate a title to the classical comedians of a generation gone by. The pilot offered a range for the trio-potential occupations for future episodes: physicians, surgeons, lawyers, engineers, psychiatrists, optometrists, "downtown-etrists", bank examiners, real estate brokers, income tax preparers, and babysitters. Jerk of all trades?

There are tags and posts with sightings of Ernest Olkowski Was Right and nobody knows who is doing this and where are these coming from and it makes me learn a thing about me (I love mysteries ) and a thing about the world (the world is a mystery). If you look around, there is so much potential but also failure all around you. And in between these two points lie much ado about everything else there is. For instance mysteries. They are neutral till they are solved. Mysteries compensated for those times when people and the world let me down. Jerks.

From reading about using vaginal moisturizer in the dead of the night (to not masturbating that day) to how to use Gua sha on the body and its benefits, I have been equally fascinated by my week on Reddit. I have been obsessed with the things I can find on Reddit.

In what I loved reading and I can not stop talking about- The Almanack of Naval Ravikant is a great insightful book by God himself. Tim Ferris never writes forwards and here he is- Prising and vouching for Naval who rose from nothing to become one of the most influential people according to me and many others. He talks about how reading Farnam Street has helped him and helmed the way to not preach but drill into your heads principles that would otherwise be hard to cling to. Naval’s book is one of the most honest wisdom-sharing tools, and I say tools because it is. If you read it, circle back to me and tell me I was wrong. I read Farnam’s Newsletter religiously. from where I had absorbed this the previous morning- We are a culmination of our experiences. How we process this information and encode it into something meaningful is intrinsically tied to our memory. Understanding how it works and how to use tools or tricks to make it better is a worthy endeavor. Naval gave a very simple heuristic: If you’re evenly split on a difficult decision, take the path more painful in the short term.

If you look at the world in front of you- It is all about people being as talented as making and inventing new things without having much and people who just sit and pontificate. Reading about people who have something to show for and convey is what I have invested my time in. The investment is into books which nobody reads these days and also documentaries which get doubled under senseless gore shows with special effects. I invest my time in people nobody is eager to think of or look at.

Each day, I traverse through multiple Newsletters wondering if my letter is being seen, heard, and viewed exactly like this by someone I don’t have the privilege of knowing. That person might learn something and quote it in a queue to his girlfriend or whisper a fact he has absorbed to his weeping baby, as if the baby might nod and understand, sharing what I know, I share. We are unbridled pattern recognizers and profligate theorizers.

The proof is in the pudding

"If you tolerate too much half-heartedness, it’s probably because you’re half-hearted. As in: anxious and ambivalent, looking for reassurance. As in: bored, along for the ride, not really sure about your own feelings and opinions. As in: external locus of control vs internal locus of control. You probably don’t have anything in your life that really tethers you to yourself—you don’t have conviction about what you love, so you’re hoping that someone else will provide you that certainty. I think that people come alive when they’re serious about what they love—when they choose to pay careful attention to what feeds and sustains them." — How to Avoid Half-Heartedness

“There is no certain way of telling in advance if the daydreams of a life dedicated to the pursuit of truth will carry a novice through the frustration of seeing experiments fail and of making the dismaying discovery that some of one’s favorite ideas are groundless.”

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Randomly inserting awe- This image of spaghtetree which is a tree struck by lightening posted by u/mrnicewatch23 and an ant super lifting some grapes (down below) by unknown-

And this human chain protesting

"We value more those things that have recently become less available to us." – Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

In a very uplifting week that came after a series of rejections and downright disappointments, my poetry piece- “Sur Lukt” got published amongst the ‘Top 25 Poets in Verse of Silence Poetry Pamphlet Contest 2021’. I am elated for the honor of having my thoughts being put into perspective through a well-known poetry contest, one of the poets whose work I follow has also been published by them and I just loved her piece in it. My few pithy words that have been featured for people to read are a big achievement for me. Second came my poem “Abruptly-” which got published by The GoodMen Project, another old and reputed blog. Some poems are also going to be nominated for the Pushcart Prize and I can only wink at myself in the mirror, good girl, here you go

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“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” —Buddhist saying

Sometimes when I look at the world, I feel as if as a world, people with brains and functionality in this world- we are missing something important. The whole evasiveness of the idea that there is a definite gap or there is something which we humans fail to understand/comprehend because it is just beyond us… no matter how many books you read and how way back you go or think of millions of years into the future- what is missing is going to dominate and not even be missed


(PS- Please note that I am experimenting with this corner where I support and talk about my favourite Artists/Businesses and creators)

I want to introduce you to South Asia's Biggest Literary Magazine- The Bombay Review

They publish Medias, Grants, Awards, Books, Events, Courses + Humor and they are one of my favorite Magazines. TBR is well known in literary circles but if you are not aware of them then you are missing out on a lot.


  1. Joker BGM Song (Bass Boosted) Anytime I am down or wanting to not wait in between deciding what to read next, I open my browser to bang my head

  2. A serial killer in London is murdering young women he meets through the personal columns of newspapers. He announces each of his murders to the police by sending them a cryptic poem. After a dancer disappears, the police enlist an American friend of hers, Sandra Carpenter, to answer advertisements in the personal columns, and lure the killer.

  3. Click if you love Sofia Vergara- She was my favorite piece of arse, literally, from all and ever!

  4. The Greatest Roast Masters- WHATTTT

  5. Every Single Gangsta Sketch - Key & Peele- Yes Sir, these guys can become my best friends now, please?

  6. How The British Took Over India- Definite link to brush up that history

  7. Mousse T. - Horny (Radio Slave & Thomas Gandey Just 17 Mix)- Groovyyyy

  8. Donna Summer – I Feel Love (Danny Howells Remix) on loop

  9. What are The Walten Files?- Is Belladonnaoflavender’s Sub even a sub without a mystery to cloud the mind and clog the brains?

  10. The Most Dangerous Rabbit Hole on the Internet- Get lost!

Eat the orange, throw away the peel

"Of all the qualities that enable Kant to achieve so much, one is inconsistency" — Derek Parfit

I watched some amazing flicks. Right off the bat-

  1. Vivarium on Prime was really excellent. A treat to watch in the dead of the night! I kidnapped some friends of mine and made them watch this sci-fi weird yet amazing movie by holding them hostage *wink wink*

  2. Prime is such a non-douche some days! Watch with a lot of heart and heat- “The Vouryer” which has an ending you won’t see coming and I thoroughly enjoyed the suspense and the acting.

  3. MTV Supermodel Of The Year S02 is my current watch and it also made me shed tears of joy and I feel proud of some of the most beautiful ladies on the screen. Who are you rooting for?

  4. Prey on Netflix was a heart-racin’-but-not-quite-enough rat and mouse flick which bowled me over and reminded me of ‘Caliber’ as well as ‘Bullet Head’.

10 Sundry Articles worth reading

  1. Everything you wanted to know about slime

  2. Hummingbirds and the Ecstatic Moment

  3. Here’s how a flower extract keeps off mosquitoes.

  4. The curse of the pharaoh hypothesis

  5. Lauren Oyler’s review of the phenomenon known as “table season” strikes a wonderful balance between the ordinary and the curious.

  6. ​​The psychology of regret: how inaction affects our sense of self

  7. 73 Questions With Lorde: Fame, Childhood Dreams, and Her New Album

  8. What’s in a Necronym

  9. Alberghi Diffusi of Italy

  10. The culture of ‘low and slow’ rides

  11. Bonus, baby! A Sentence is a Lonely Place

Wrote this Newsletter listening to some godforsaken Boogie Jam & the list listening to Ae Dil Itna Bata De

This is a free newsletter but not cheap. If you love it, consider supporting it by liking and sharing this newsletter. This letter is reader-supported, hence the lack of ads and sponsors. I don’t get much feedback on my newsletters, so I’m not sure how many people actually read them. If you do, please feel free to drop me a note or hit the “like” on the newsletter


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Our Lives In This Anthropocene

fucked, fucked, fucked: Lists ka lust

This image is from Mr. Mercedes. Suits 2021. Issa mood. A Tv Show I had watched after reading King's novel based on the same title. What a great fucking show. The day I had completed the novel on paper, I encountered the show. It was meant to be. I remember I had watched it on some pirated site. Can’t say that it was as amazing as the novel but man, the whole serendipitous encounter changed my outlook towards it. I got to know today that there are S2 & S3 of Mr. Mercedes and I can't seem to find them online. Apart from Apple TV. And I can't afford another OTT. My consumption and happiness halt here.

If you really think about it- you are basically looking at a day in your everyday life- indistinguishable in terms of what products or brands and companies rule over your decisions, your making. How companies make you. How they influence you- but I am not here to focus on that. My quest is- who influences most?

They are few.

Apple, Amazon, Facebook & in my instance BigBasket and my 9 OTT Subscriptions.

If these companies control you and make you dependable, that does not dwell well and is never going to end well. It does not matter. It will never matter to them. You don’t matter. The monopolistic tech companies will eat you. Walmart and Amazon will gobble you. Pharmaceuticals will slowly drain you. Some in-between which should not be missed, make the most out of this rut. These companies work on profits and are blind to actually contributing to the welfare of the populae. Because guess what? that is not their job! I am an integral person and an empath- double whammy! Which makes me suffer on an everyday basis- for I crave peace and quiet in a chaotic bazaar which never sleeps. Bujo foamed coffee, and beaten beans, Vipassana, mindfulness, Rinzai Zen can only help so much. We can’t keep having these conversations, forever. Minutiae have overtaken in the form of an iceberg hitting the Titanic and not the other way round- We are blind. We have eyes but it seems like we are blind. I am not a hypercompetitive uncooperative jealous person who does not want to see people succeed, I am actually pining for people not failing due to some successes. You’ll be happier if you grade reality on a curve. But, what if I don’t want to be happy while half the world is counting on the other half to make things better?

Why don’t we focus on constellations, music, religions, philosophy & self creativity?

Where is it that you draw the line?

These corporate sharks have delimited faculties. They have shadowed what really matters and should matter. We live in a collective delusion.

"Life without industry is guilt. Industry without art is brutality"
— John Ruskin

“Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.” John Le Carré, 1931—2020.

Pareidolia is the human tendency to seek patterns where none exist, to ‘recognize’ things that are not there. I read tea patterns and see formations in puddles.

I keep on asking who will like what I write? The answer is you. If you read all this above and are reading this now- I am glad. This makes us visible, in issues where we feel the most. Nobody is ready to fight the bull. I am. YOU ARE TOO. People who struggle, who wake up at the night, perspiring, or the ones who switch off their AC every 15 minutes till it’s again too hot to bear- You are just like me- Unlucky but available for life to happen.

Read that again- Unlucky but available for life to happen

We Insist We Persist

We need conviction

"For me, a freelancer is like a cactus. We can survive tough conditions but we still need love and water."- Jenny Stallard

Lately, I’ve been thinking that what drives so much of the anger and antagonism online is our helplessness offline. Online we want to be good, to do good, but despite these lofty moral aspirations, there is little generosity or patience, let alone human kindness. There is a desperate yearning for emotional safety. There is a desperate hope that if we all become perfect enough and demand the same perfection from others, there will be no more harm or suffering. - Roxanne Gay


Belladonnaoflavender’s Newsletter
Yesterday, 21st June marked the solstice and I read astrological predictions on it and read- DeFranco’s Spring Cleaning Tip: Do an activity that brought you joy as a child. and thought instantly that how what I was doing was exactly what I had always wanted to and that was reading a book and writing my thoughts on paper. Converting…
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Belladonnaoflavender’s Newsletter
Collages of influence: A tribe in yourself
I have 60 cousins. More than 100 of family members. They might have 100s of people they had know. At least each of them with a tribe of their own. Yet none of them subscribes to my newsletter. This newsletter. No one. Not a single one of them…
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Belladonnaoflavender’s Newsletter
Not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings & Linklists
Clouds rule at high altitudes, seducing us with their dew points and their outpourings. (Like poets.) They glow, grow noses, morph into steeds, give good sky, move a mile or so to the East, give it again. They’ve been a major poetic accessory since way B.C.—if you consider Genesis and, certainly, Virgil. They’re omnipresent, enigmatic, drop-dead gorgeou…
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  1. Rediscovering Courage: A Canterbury writer has his moment

  2. This is what I tell friends who are torn about having children

  3. Want to see what it is like to look at a view from another window somewhere in the world?

  4. The Best Inventions of 2020

  5. The Shadowy Business of International Education

  6. Unbundling Work from Employment by Li Jin

  7. long and interesting throughout the piece on how hard it is to make a video game

  8. The Social Life of Forests

  9. Why do pigeons bob their heads?

  10. An immense mystery older than Stonehenge

  11. Bonus- 26 films cross every genre and range from art-house to blockbuster. They were all unappreciated by critics or audiences on release and deserve a fresh look.

This is a free newsletter but not cheap. If you love it, consider supporting it by liking and sharing this newsletter. This letter is reader-supported, hence the lack of ads and sponsors. I don’t get much feedback on my newsletters, so I’m not sure how many people actually read them. If you do, please feel free to drop me a note or hit the “like” on the newsletter. I’d really love to hear from you! This letter was edited listening to this Baroque music!

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I jab into your mouth, this Newsletter, this tongue

this mind, this soul: 10 Articles Worth Reading

What is Entelechy? - To become what one truly is

To reach and outreach your true potential

What would you never lose by losing your being? What would that be?-begs to be asked

The perennial quest to be eloquent in my newsletter is nothing in front of the quest of my why I wish my messages were heard far and wide- guilt, shame, and my anxiety in shambles, I write. I think. My interview where I talk about books and the community has been featured on @readerly’s Space. I am elated that I can own space in a big space which I can call mine.

I become what I think. “From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in him; but wounds, and bruises, and putrefying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment” (Isaiah 1:6)

My nature is not anymore autonomous. It is ambivalent. Unresolved and precipitating with time. I want to build myself like how I know to be true. With you. Today, I decided to understand and spend some time learning more about Substack and Importing/Exporting emails.

Never to have been born is best but if we must see the light, the next best is quickly returning whence we came. When youth departs, with all its follies, Who does not stagger under evils? Who escapes them?- Sophocles

One could not have been formed by anything other than the particular gametes that produced the zygote from which one developed. This implies, in turn, that one could not have had any genetic parents other than those that one does have. It follows from this that any person’s chances of having come into existence are extremely remote. The existence of any one person is dependent not only on that person’s parents themselves having come into existence and having met them but also on their having conceived that person at the time that they did. Think of how many people are conceived because of a power failure, a nocturnal noise waking their parents, or any other such opportunity merging with the urge.

Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, The best would be never to have been born at all

What we are looking for is what is looking

The unbounded matrix which we have found in the era is that we have been pre-disposed. When I started writing this Newsletter, I did not know what all I should not write about. I wrote pretty much everything and now after 30 Newsletters and more, I am sure about what I do not want to be doing- That is- following a niche, vocation, métier. Everyone says you need to have a niche. I believe I am happy and many more can be happier if I decide to not have a niche. A niche limits. It sets out boundaries and on the surface, there is inhibition and they stagnate. Niches are made for people who are lazy I feel. Because there is not anything in this world that is inflexible enough to not be drilled, dolled or dawned. Anyone can learn anything, anytime is what this hypothesis follows. Niches subvert hypothesis. A niche is the essential selling point of a newsletter but personal blogs and arbitrary information collectives have always interested me more and made me learn more than the year-long subjects with exams and exam preps.

This Newsletter is about not giving exams. About not confirming to a system you don’t believe in. About re-basing. De-stashing ignorance and promoting a free culture. If something is interesting, worth talking about, or reading- it will be in my newsletter. Niche or no niche.

But not having a certain niche or not confirming the brackets which represent niches means no regulation or demarcation of content. it does not mean a lack of any strategy or structure. it has taken me 30 letters to write here, some taking me days- to come to a point where I can say- I now have a structure.

I always start with Non-fiction, essay, or a small reminder of how things are and were. there is a collision of the past, present, and the future hereon. Then I always make a point to include images in my texts. Images of pictures I have clicked and are worth a space, of memes, quotes, posts, and reshares which deserve a chance to be featured. I have made Belladonnaoflavender’s Newsletter a safe space and a collaborative one. I feature artists and people who are starting out, looking out for support. I love working with new energies. I want my brand to be sustainable and one way to do that is through making many more people around me sustainable.

I always hog the internet, since it came to me. I shift endlessly through a dozen articles per day and multiple links get a gander in my space. So, why not put out the best of the reads/picks? I wish I knew more people who do this! I have been sharing many such Articles and links in my stories on Instagram but that is not at all sustainable anymore as I am nowhere close to 10K even after 5 years and so well, I know this has to suck. Just how much, I am not sure. So, meanwhile, I am a monk of my own writing devices, now positing links in a letter format for my readers who are also nonreaders.

I always talk about movies, shows, and books. Always. I know these are my hobbies and passions and all that which a letter can be, it is.

I have a theme that is about changing the world. One thing at a time. One letter at a time. A recurrent theme is the hopelessness of it all. I whine and cry on paper as much as I masturbate.

I don’t want growth which is all mine

Many people unsubscribed from my newsletters too (considering we always talk about add-ons and successes, pissing people off should also be a mandate, what do you say?) Once they saw that I was not going to talk about them anymore. Those who I talk about rather are too poor to know about substack or working doubly while you and I sulk, crib, and grind out teeth in existential dreads of all imaginary kinds. Many subscribers must have unsubscribed because they hate my guts or unknowingly… who knows?

I wait for feedback to sink my teeth into- the few of them that- I receive after a lot of prodding. I asked three of my really good friends (from them who do know how to read English) what they think of my letters and this is what I got-

Freind 1- Disorganized

Friend 2- Find a niche (and hence the whole talk on Niche, because it pricks me at times- should I really have just one topic to munch on? )

Friend 3- Remove the playing with a lot of other fonts- don’t mix fonts too much (Already took this onboard)

These comments are larger than life. Because, I hardly ever receive criticism but I take it with my food, sleep, and everything in between. I love criticism. I think that is when the words are truest. The essence of having a good friend for me is honesty. My mother always asks me to focus on the bad parts, the sad parts, and the parts which are flawed, they need attention. Everything we do must come under an opinion and an umbrella of advice, the point is- I rebel a lot and so the umbrella and I never see too much rain.

In Poland," Herbert once stated, "we think of the poet as a prophet; he is not merely a maker of verbal forms or an imitator of reality. The poet expresses the deepest feelings and the widest awareness of people...” The language of poetry differs from the language of politics. And, after all, poetry lives longer than any conceivable political crisis.

"The poet looks over a broad terrain and over vast stretches of time. He makes observations on the problems of his own time, to be sure, but he is a partisan only in the sense that he is a partisan of the truth. He arouses doubts and uncertainties and brings everything into question."

Derek Parfit asks ‘how many of us could truly claim ‘‘Even if railways and motor cars had never been invented, I would still have been born’’?


  1. Schemer is driven by greed and power, or a naïf who believed her own lies and was manipulated 

  2. Fandom Has a Purity Culture Problem

  3. Did Twitter break YA? 

  4. A Complete Breakdown of the J.K. Rowling Transgender-Comments Controversy

  5. The Sad Economics of Writing Short Fiction

  6. How America Failed in Afghanistan by Issac Chotiner

  7. A Psychoanalysis of Milk: The Case of Alfred Hitchcock

  8. I Hate How Much I Love My Skims

  9. Big butts in fashion

  10. Talking about exercise is not too good

  11. Bonus- This AWESOME Sub-Reddit which will change your mind

This is a free newsletter but not cheap. If you love it, consider supporting it by buying me something from my wishlist (you can mail me) or is reader-supported, hence the lack of ads and sponsors. Thank you!

That’s it for this issue!❤

If you’re new here, I’d love to have you as a subscriber. Would love to have you with me till time permits.

I know many of you might not know me or are hereby fate, then give me some time to seal our fates?

If you are already a subscriber (This is one of the ways of supporting my free but not cheap newsletter) then KISSES & HUGS from someone who loves to give both


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