Solitude, operas & going on the roof part 2
of performance in poetry and performance in life: Exhibitions and Art
Another One
When you’re a child you learn there are three dimensions
Height, width and depth
Like a shoebox
Then later you hear there’s a fourth dimension
Time
Hmm
Then some say there can be five, six, seven…
I knock off work
Have a beer at the bar
I look down at the glass and feel glad
From the movie Paterson 
Dear friends,
In a very demure world, I wake up excited for little things, swift moments, kindness, and goodness. Question, Relax, debilitate and pray—a cycle now… I have a day to look forward to that involves reading various magazines and literary rabbit holes, editing works, writing letters to friends, crying in the shower, and thinking about ways to sustain my self-care practice, which is increasing in $$$ day by day as I am growing older. I also have a day of worrying about a cyst that just popped up and also about my parent’s health from afar the next. Them being in India makes it harder for me to find that immediate support that my mother used to bring with maalish at midnight and my dad’s om burps! Now that I write about home often, I miss home even more. I did this to myself, I say.
There has been an exponential increase in fear of always being alive and ‘doing it right.’ I feel the burden of adulthood now, and I can sense why people say childhood days are carefree and best. They are, indeed. At 31, I feel it. The other day, I paid $110 for a kneading massage with cupping, AND I AM GLAD. Broke, yet glad. I have been going for therapeutic deep tissues and lymph drainage because I feel like nothing eases that permanent pain my bone other than something drastic. On the verge of “Are you okay?” and “How okay would you like to be?”
I love finding little corners of the internet to get some much-needed solace. I always admire the spirit of the golden hour light—it strikes even when the day is the cloudiest of fluffs! I am happiest when I am in nature (harvesting and making jams later on in the day as I listen to saved podcasts) or when I have a poem I really need to come to me.
A lot of the job of being a poet is about living life with its latent patterns and the obvious, the non-obvious. There is always so much about waking up every morning with a different kind of day—I never live one day, twice. I live and then live. I live again and again. Every day I wake up, I am in gratitude.
Living is complex and different when you have a thousand emotions. It is also trippy to think about how you feel all the time. That is why, after two years of workshops, where I have felt many feelings, I have decided not to workshop but just read and write for a while. I tend to follow myself and not the crowd- that is a faith in instincts as a writer I have developed after much trial and error. I also have become better at being alone. I was always in need of company for many of my 20s, but now, looking back at it, I can only imagine feeling ‘full’ of good and bad examples in my life.
My life has been in the ‘lime’ light recently.
I have my first image text exhibit displayed at Mainframe Studios, an exhibition central to Des Moines, which I have loved and found refuge in as an artist. To have my art displayed alongside amazing artists I respect and know is an honor. The show is curated by ISU College of Design gallery manager Rachel Connell and includes ceramics, digital illustrations, drawings, interactive art, paintings, photography, and poetry to celebrate the themes of adaptive arts, mental health, and well-being. My artworks were about solidarity with seasons, mental health during winter, and the effect of snow on our psychology.
I am working on a series of operatic images and analysis (while creating paintings and sketches), which is also how I am finding time to organize my solitude with time to explore the visual arts. Analyzing scripts and scenes is important to my writing practice, often revolving around moments in time or ‘fragmentation.’ Everything started with taking a class on opera and film studies but also with the six-year-old Shalini watching movies in black and white. Twelev-year-old Shalini crying while grasped in the story of Dosti, the twenty-year-old me reading Devdas twice, five times, ten times, I almost memorized Devdas. Before I fell in love with the various renditions, I was in love with the book's skeleton before the bride.
I recently finished writing a 5,000-word fiction story, and the revision has taken longer than anticipated. Writing is laborious. I might contend that writing codes or gardening in the sun might be less destructive than the endless days of warped tension, empty stomachs, and soul-suckery that happen with trying to write. Writing sometimes feels like a purgatory.
This new story finally utilizes my expertise in the legal issues of our criminal justice system. The story sprawls, as every story of mine does. KL Cook, my thesis advisor, is right sometimes: I write for HBO and not for a person.
The grief and the audacity of this piece have even eroded my heart. It has taken me two years to write about ‘law’ or touch upon a facet of my life that I have known too well to ‘start afresh.’ I feel old, finally.
25 list of products/self-care I vouch for!
(Paid and bought by me)
Turning 30 has been a journey—with the trial and error in life, love, and career, I have tribulations to share for my skincare and self-care journey. Many of these products can be used by one and all. Great for gifting as well!
ELEMIS Pro-Collagen Marine Cream (I aboslutely love the smell and the significant improvement it made to my skin. There is something very biologically harmonic about the texture and the collagen rich cream)JULIETTE HAS A GUN Lust for Sun Fragrance (I remember how the cashier at a thirft store asked me to jot down the perfume I was wearing for her mother who would love the smell. It is exquisite- just perfect)SATURDAY SKIN Rise + Shine Gentle Cleanser (Never has my skin felt cleaner, free from toxins and glowy- for markers, I have oily skin)MEMOIRE ARCHIVES Vanilla Frosting Body Lotion (SOOOO Good! Just slathered myself in the smell and the humid hug of a lotion)ORIGINS Mega-Mushroom Relief & Resilience Soothing Treatment Lotion (I bought this and kept on using it for more than an year every week. I apply the watery formulae on my thighs, my neck and back whenever I am in pain or having a chronic episode. After a tub bath, this helps restore vitality to my muscles)NANETTE LEPORE Luna Body Lotion (My favourite lotion of all times, I discovered accidentally and fell in love with the effect, long lasting moisutrizing)JAZMINE BEAUTY Makeup Melting Cleansing Balm (I haven’t found a better cleanser. The jelly like texture and the clear clean product is perfect for skincare junkies like me who every once in a while love a spa-exact effect)URBAN SKIN RX Clear & Even Tone Clarifying Glycolic Pads (The pads are toner for dy skin more the oily in my opinion but I love the clarifying effect they give)AMINNAH Sugar Scrub (I used this scrub during my residency in Okoboji. I fell in love with how much of a celebration my body felt in terms of the after-effect of the scrub- it is definitely one of my favourite scrubs of all times. Makes the skin supple af!!)CÉLA Créme Violette (The absolute winner of a creme- it is a luxury in your hands, for your self love care routine)KENSIE FRAGRANCE Dry Brush (I enetered my 30’s with gifting myself a dry brush that is not only big enough for my area coverage but also is soft, not too brittle and long lasting)THE NUE CO Magnesium Ease (the quick spray for my shoulders and legs when I am in a bad cramp or have muscle tension. Works like magic)NANETTE LEPORE Purse Spray - Colors of Nanette (This spray brought me life and summer in a bottle)GLOSS MODERNE Clean Luxury Radiant Polish for Hand + Body (What a luxury of a hand cream! This is unique and very scrub-like texture with an aroma that I can calssify above frankincense)LAUREN'S SKINCARE Vanilla Almond Body Lotion (The winter lotion for everywhere. I loved every last bit)TONYMOLY Watermelon Dew All Over Serum (Fresh af and perfect for a dewy look)VACATION® INC SPF 30 Baby Oil (A light baby oil SPF to keep you feeling sun-protected. I wore it over a moisturiser as it is dry)Weleda Regenerating Pomegranate Hand Cream (Read about it on various other blogs and bought it immidiatley. Happy with everyday use and definitely feel the difference)Boiron Arnicare Gel for Soothing Relief of Joint Pain, Muscle Pain, Muscle Soreness, and Swelling from Bruises or Injury (Recommend this to every turning 30 friend for any swelling or bruised body after a run or soreness of any kind!)Shiatsu Neck and Back Massager for Pain Relief (One of the best investments ever. I plug the machine and grind/kneed my back every fortnight for an hour or so…)ZICOTO 100 Date Ideas and Couples Game Cards (Perfect for date night!)Vagisil Scentsitive Scents On-The-Go Feminine Cleansing Wipes (After the disastarous trial and error of burt bees wipes, I was amazed at the clean smell that these give while also doing the job to the teenth)Comfort Zone Tri-Balance Gel Orthotic Insoles for Women (Changed my life. After I was going for physical therapy, my therapist recommended me to buy these- abosultely recommended to keep your feet from developing plantar fascitis)Humphreys Witch Hazel Astringent Lotion, Skin Softener (The witch hazel element changed my life. I suffer from HS- and the watery lotion is like clear, very antispetic and has a weird smell but has helped with the sores, boils like nothing else. I also use it as a toner often. Can dry the skin. )Folkulture Incense Sticks (The smells are innovative and new!)
don’t like to write, but I take great pleasure in having written—in having finally made an arrangement that has a certain inevitability, like the solution to a mathematical problem. Perhaps in no other line of work is delayed gratification so delayed -
William Zinsser in Writing To Learn
Loved reading it, as always..,