I am a wild card

Bloviated Stuff Made of Dreams: Nude Special

nar·ra·tive drive
/ˈnerədiv/ /drīv/
noun 1. The belief that a life without a story is a life not worth living

Wildcard is a symbol used to replace or represent one or more characters. The most common wildcards are the asterisk (*), which represents one or more characters, and the question mark (?) that represents a single character.

I want to introduce myself in this Newsletter. My last virtual letter was out of sync. (I have a little tickle in my spine) I want to talk about things I have found Interesting with capital I. (Get busy/ Like glue) I want to rejuvenate your tab section with tabs that are worthy to grace the headlines and frown lines. I am a karudaam, a papad mixture made of rice flour dried in the sun. Put Mirchi, teekhi. Both green and red. Always, both. *cough* journal *cough* One will burn the tongue, the other the intestines. I am always burning and questioning my existence in the bigger scheme of things. I can not stay still for long. I long to be free and fabulous, all the time.

I am resilient and I recognize a lot with stories and people who show resilience. I am always hunting for stories. I grapple myself to invite experiences that inform my writing.

I am a wild card. Till yesterday I was a lawyer. I was. It just feels weird to introduce me like that. Almost surreal. I aim to be surreal, though. Succinct and deliberate are other two things which am waiting to happen or meet in between. What are you even thinking when you think of me or reading about me? *cough* expectations *cough*

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I am a precept of ‘was’ and ‘is’. I feel like a floater. Dead at times but I live. I believe in vulnerability and that is why you will always find me vulnerable. In my most naked form, I am masturbating here, in my newsletter. I think you are watching. You are seeing a lot of hurt because that is an appendage to vulnerability. It can make you weak or strong. It has made me both. I have felt the pangs of being too human and sometimes too disassociative to not call myself having a psychosis. It is said that self-diagnosing does not help but sometimes, saying things aloud, does. I have seen people being unchanged by the worst of calamities and people suddenly going saint to a gargoyle of briskness. I go from hungry to overfed in minutes. I consume a vast amount of content, knowledge, and bullshit. I am living a life, backward. I am doing everything which I should have already because chances are that you know about Newsletters at 22 and are reading this, you are already 6 years ahead of me.

I find myself and my company appealing. After a very long time, I can finally describe myself. I am the girl who was reading backs of detergents and waffle batter, stealing an extra cookie off the jar, biting my nails to taste the mud in them. I have been disgusting and also clean. Clean, in. Soul-wise, I have been replenished through good literature, food, and company. Alluring needs allurance. Need is nada and nada is need. I can be whipped in seconds. I am sensitive but also not emotional always…. I can be the Voltron Legendary Defender - Allurance also. *cough* journal *cough* I cannot tell you more about me, all at once, because I reveal and I live to reveal. I revel in revealing me…… I must tell you that many times, during monsoon, as I sit down to write, the rains come. Sometimes, I feel dry, dehydrated, scratchy in my throat when I burn ends, gasping at what I read. I am sure that during winters, I conceive of a thrill which only cold skin against the metal head of the pen can bring. I can be strepsils to your sore throat and vaginal cream to a smelly one.

I sometimes play with the tendrils of my armpit hair, raising them slowly, till they prick. Till my skin heaves under the bushes. I sometimes run my hands across my naked bosom, pinching my nipples straight. I smell my hair, put some peachy lavender scent, spray, salt, and stain my hair with the wetness of 1000 ocean sprays through the day. I browse newsletters when I get bored and I try to think of ways to make my friends happy.

I am super-condensed

very long back I knew my sunny disposition to life and my inadvertent lack of liking stagnation would lead me astray. Astray as in what Indian parents would say for someone who does not conform to the rut, stays too long in a rut, or does not fit in the rut of things. I never fit in. I never did. I was never dense. I wanted to flow. And I AM NOW. I am overwhelmingly aware. My surroundings and my inner self are always in a convention to converse, introspect. I remember the first blog I ever wrote, thinking I need to write more, I wrote three words that I will carry with me throughout my life. Still. “EXPLORE IMPLORE EXPLODE” That is me in 3 words. I never fit in, I was meant to stand out and I wanted to be an outcast. I am aging out of precociousness and into regularity.

I have been working on a piece about Space and suicides, on lawyers who thought the law was too dramatic for them or too chaotic, another few poems on things nobody cares about but everybody sure thinks of. Why online identity is a choice. The future of theme parks is going to be VR and AR, not just IRL. One man’s career around cleaning up, plane, crashes, and giving families closure after the crash. *cough* 1119283939 TABs *cough*

ATTENTION ATTENTION

We are about to enter Virgo season on the 23rd, which means lots of cleansing, clearing of paths. I have known people all my life who have had a problem in securing funding to study overseas or to even travel and visit residencies or just workstations. If you are in search of a budgetary and resourceful option to travel and study, Vallued.ai is it!

To solve the ultimate problem, Vallued.ai has given me an in PLAN in planning my next investment in my future. WHAT AN EXCELLENT FIND. Give an exam online, wait for results and according to the scores/merit, one gets a declared sum of money from Vallued.ai -

IF you are a student or someone in need of funds, https://www.vallued.ai/ is your go-to place. Visit and avail value.

Fill the 'Fund Seeker' form on the 'Subscribe' page if you are interested in Education/Travel Funding. Mokusei is conducting a basic survey through the _"Fund Seekers" Form on the "Subscribe" Page_ of the website. IT IS ALL FREE! When I saw the unique approach and the amazing build-up, I immediately talked to the founder, Ashish Bohra about Vallued.ai. Loved the interaction and loved what he is doing. There is such a dearth of Scholarships and Funding options for Indian students. STEM students still have a lot of options but many other streams suffer. Vallued.ai brings solutions to the table and I am sure it will help you or your friends/family, so please do take a look, bookmark the site, subscribe to avail benefits, and see for yourself, share it, please.

They use this survey data to plan for basic logistics, for making an estimation of funding required, charting some future strategies and plans, figuring out company valuation, and so on. Mokusei is currently trying out & experimenting with this New-Age "Virtual Office and Cloud Administration" System and entering a space that is my kinda space. Kicks it in for me! *cough* Thank me later *cough*


i. I am in my body. I am here, in front of you. I am the temperature in this room. I am undressed in my nudity; I am the light and shade you feel. I am more like other people than you. I have before and after. I am myself, entirely and only. My outside and inside are continuous. I am muscle, organ, fluid, bone. I am monumental. You are the only one who sees me.

ii. I am not naked as I am; I am naked as you see me. I am transparent, almost visible. I have a time and a place. I am tribal and exotic. I must always carry objects. You are heroic. I am a complete museum, the story of my own making. I am a mirror to you; you are reflected in the looking at me. At best, I mimic you. You write me. When you leave, I will no longer exist.

iii. I am a single conscious point. I am indifferent. I am unself, like a photogram. I am prehistoric, before definition. Your body falls over me. I have depth and luminescence. I am neither here nor there; I have infinite extension. I live inside the lived world, the light and dark inside my head like dream substance. I am camera obscura, the room itself. I both adore and resist.- Nude by Lesley Harrison

They flee from me that sometime did me seek
With naked foot, stalking in my chamber.
I have seen them gentle, tame, and meek,
That now are wild and do not remember
That sometime they put themself in danger
To take bread at my hand; and now they range,
Busily seeking with a continual change.
Thanked be fortune it hath been otherwise
Twenty times better; but once in special,
In thin array after a pleasant guise,
When her loose gown from her shoulders did fall,
And she me caught in her arms long and small;
Therewithall sweetly did me kiss
And softly said, “Dear heart, how like you this?”
It was no dream: I lay broad waking.
But all is turned thorough my gentleness
Into a strange fashion of forsaking;
And I have leave to go of her goodness,
And she also, to use newfangleness.
But since that I so kindly am served
I would fain know what she hath deserved.
Something must have been bugging my father the day I asked him for fifty cents in the upstairs kitchen, because although he was always a sweet and gentle man and gave me most everything I asked for, this time he turns around from the sink where he is washing dishes and starts swinging at me fronthand and backhand, again and again, his face contorted with a rage I never saw before or again. I shrivelled into the chair by the kitchen window sobbing and begging this stranger to stop. Eventually he does, and the silence of the rest of our lives swallows the moment forever. —Fred Moramarco
“HOMAGE TO MY HIPS”
these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in.
they don’t fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don’t like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!
—Lucille Clifton

Body is a temple. Body is a pill taken/ before abortion hits the flow/ it is red and it is black,' a body is a homage, in the end/archive of a life that shouldn’t exist, while it still does Bathroom/ bills Running into the drummer ex-boyfriend with his guitarist/ bf and they get yr name wrong Wristband from that gay club in/ Cartagena where we danced w/ the self-proclaimed Perez Hilton/ of Colombia Every bar frankly should have tostones smellin up/ the grill Having made out with the server at the vegan resto @ a /Tuesday gay karaoke night Is a poem about Junk itself merely/ an accumulation of doomsday and birth certificates If part of/ Junk is letting go, partly Junk is letting go of you Junk finds a/ new boo I am the standard of my mind Smoke pulls back/ into the fire and the fire pulls back into the Junk and the Junk/ pulls up to the bumper, baby We lie quiet in the buff, not touchin


I WENT THROUGH 400 NEWSLETTERS IN ONE EVENING OF NEWSLETTER FISHING

I have been featuring some amazing new finds and here is my next in the series after I featured 5 last time in my previous Newsletter-

  1. 3Min Club by Yan

  2. Battleground is a daily newsletter examining USA's 🇺🇸 electoral geography

  3. Innocently Macabre: an interplay of worldly merriment and twisted secrets, distilling the wonders of the cosmos for your kind perusal

  4. Accord is published by the South Asian Symphony Foundation And is rad!

  5. Brands Mean a Lot is a once-a-week commentary on the many ways branding impacts our lives 


WHAT I READ AND I ALMOST DID

  1. The pandemic shrank many social circles to a skeleton crew. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing

  2. Must Watch on the legacy of First British Female Rock Band

  3. Scholars and researchers agree on the year that was worse than any other

  4. How I Turned My Niche Fixation Into Paid, Full-Time Blogging

  5. I’m a firm believer that we should be reading books that challenge us, not just ones that reinforce our beliefs

Bonus- I didn’t know how to write about my sister’s death—so I had AI do it for me.

  1. That’s it for this issue!❤

    If you’re new here, I’d love to have you as a subscriber. Would love to have you with me till time permits.

    I know many of you might not know me or are hereby fate, then give me some time to seal our fates?

    If you are already a subscriber (This is one of the ways of supporting my free but not cheap newsletter) then KISSES & HUGS from someone who loves to give both

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